I have been a spiritual person throughout most of my life. I went to a Catholic kindergarten school as well as a Catholic elementary school. I volunteered at different Christian churches when I was an adolescent. I cannot abandon my faith now no matter how much science and history I know, due to familiarity, loyalty, and commitment.
Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge, which is power; religion gives man wisdom, which is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals. They are complementary. (Martin Luther King, Jr.)
I personally believe in what Martin Luther King, Jr. said. Religion and science do not have to be “rivals.” They can be “complementary.” My faith is healthy for me, but I understand that faith itself is not for everyone. I respect everyone’s choices.
I do not think that it is healthy to read the Bible as though it was a textbook or instruction manual about morality, especially if you interpret the text literally instead of figuratively. Religious texts contain many contradictions, as well as violent, brutal stories. Biblical reading in a narrow or literal context could trigger fear, guilt, shame, or discomfort, even when there are numerous moral stories and scriptures which can provide comfort and peace.
I call myself a liberal Christian, who believes in science, accepts LGBTQ+ people, and supports women making their own decisions about their bodies, especially when they are not ready to provide care for their offspring. As a therapist whose speciality is helping survivors of abuse, it is important for me to educate clients about contraception. Planned pregnancy is healthy for the family, the society, and the world. Children without healthy parental love and care are much more likely to suffer. Giving women the right to take care of their bodies is essential to public health, and is a component of reducing all future health problems including physical illnesses, mental illnesses, and suicide.
I provide counselling to people from all cultural or personal backgrounds and orientations, listening to them, supporting them to grow on their journeys, and providing them unconditional positive regard. The most challenging type of client for me would be someone who has been emotionally abusive to their children. I recognize that for such a person to reach out for help with a therapist, it is an opportunity for hope and grace, not only for the client but for me. Those instances in which an abuser, possibly with my help, can apologize, make amends, and work earnestly on positive change for themselves and their family, represent something close to the divine grace which I hope is the grounding element in my personal faith. Unfortunately for the world, very few perpetrators of severe abuse ever reach out for help with a therapist.
One of the great parables of Jesus is about the “Good Samaritan.” For me, this parable represents one of the overarching messages of the entire New Testament: A Good Samaritan doesn’t discriminate. A Good Samaritan is a neighbour who is willing to show respect and care to people having different cultures, backgrounds, or beliefs. In today’s world this would include not only literal “outsiders” such as refugees or immigrants, but also other cultural “outsiders” including those with different beliefs or orientations. Such “outsiders” could live among us not only in different parts of our neighbourhoods or countries, but within our own homes as well. Sometimes our own loved ones can feel like outsiders, and they would be in need of a Good Samaritan right at home.
A pivotal message that I believe all Christians need to learn is to practice genuine kindness, empathy, and compassion, not because we need to earn salvation or accumulate credits, but because we love God. A love of God need not be considered simply a commitment or obligation to an external divine figure, it could be understood as participating and feeling the gift of divine joy through the intrinsic goods of practicing kindness, empathy, and compassion.
The mere presence of a kind person influences other people around them positively. Kindness even shines through people's faces.
For to see your face is like seeing the face of God. (Genesis 33:10)
You know how when you find somebody who you know is in touch with the truth, how you want to be in the presence of that person? (Fred Rogers)
True kindness exists. It is tangible, you can feel it when you are around a kind person. It is evident in every area of that person's life. I hope that you and I can strive to be like that, so that we may see the face of God in each other.
Kindness needs to be practiced consistently and persistently. It is like a commitment. A muscle that needs and wants to be exercised. We need to provide long-term care for people in need, especially victims of abuse. Kindness becomes a lifestyle, a natural way of being, an intrinsic joy and a way to both feel and radiate the love of God.
In politics, religion can sometimes play a big role in a country. But just as in an abusive family, religious texts can be distorted and used as tools of harm in the hands of a authoritarian or narcissistic abuser. Ironically, many of the great themes in the Bible concern the human tendency to become hypocritical, or for people of faith to slip away from their core values. People of faith can become “lost in a desert,” sometimes without the insight to recognize just how lost they have become. Leaders (political and religious) can become Pharisees—masters of quoting or deploying particular rules, but having lost the deeper principles of love and compassion which underlie the rules. Jesus taught that there are transcendent rules, of love and compassion, which superseded others—for example, one important story in the life of Jesus is about breaking rules about the Sabbath in order to help people, even at risk of being judged.
In terms of group membership, I fit just right within my group of loved ones, with whom I feel a belonging I am eternally grateful for. But I don’t fit perfectly with any other group. I am either not liberal enough, or not religious enough. I don’t mind. I have never found existing groups like that which suit me well. I have a few close friends who are open-minded and spiritual, and I feel blessed to have them in my life. I believe in kindness, compassion, and unconditional love, and that is the language that I would like to speak for the rest of my life.
The Parable of the Good Samaritan
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
(New International Version Bible, 2011, Luke 10:25-37)
I would like to recommend a video by Megan Phelps-Roper (Phelps-Roper, 2017).
I find her inspiring, her message a ray of hope and wisdom so very important to approach many of the problems going on in our world today. She grew up in an extremist religious community notorious for its hateful attitudes and behaviour, and for many years she was an advocate for this group. But in time, she discovered people outside the group who treated her with respect, patience, and kindness, and were willing to engage in true dialogue despite the offensiveness and extremity of her views. It took a lot of time, but these engagements with others holding beliefs so different from her own at the time, allowed her to finally escape from this community and cultivate a happy, healthy life while helping others facing similar challenges.
Her approach and her message embody the spirit of Christian ethics: showing compassion, respect, and humility with others, including those who may be very different from ourselves, and including those who may treat us with hostility. In doing so, we are able to truly connect and heal difference. It is a remedy for the polarization and conflict in our nations and in our communities. It reminds me of my approach to psychotherapy as well: the process requires patience, time, attention, and open-mindedness, couched in a spirit of compassion and curiosity. Phelps-Roper (2017) also emphasizes the importance of making a strong argument for your position, as an essential component of change–this is similar in psychotherapy, it is like the work we do in cognitive therapy or the insights we might have in psychodynamic therapy. But in order for any such argument or logical debate to be effective, we must first build up rapport through patience, understanding, and respect.
Meliorism: the belief that the world can be made better by human effort. (Author Unknown)
Affirmation: I enrich my life when I practice compassion, and when I am willing to connect respectfully and humbly to others who have different beliefs or backgrounds than my own, prior to making a strong logical argument about moral issues.
References
New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2010%3A25-37&version=NIV
Phelps-Roper, M. (2017, February). I grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church. Here’s why I left [Video]. TED Conferences. https://www.ted.com/talks/megan_phelps_roper_i_grew_up_in_the_westboro_baptist_church_here_s_why_i_left?subtitle=en